Mooooooontreal bitches ....

So after our first introduction to what a French Canadian could be like we finally arrived in Quebec and then Montreal. It is the strangest feeling crossing the border between the two provinces Ontario is bilingual when it comes to its signs but Quebec was full on French. We thought we would put Jake (our GPS) to French so we can start practicing our Français. However it confused me beyond believe and we had to put Jake back to Anglais so we could actually find out where the hell we were and where we were meant to be going. 


We finally figured out our way and arrive at our destination, my mate Erin the Lesbot's Base of Operations. No I'm going to go out on a limb and say this knowing I will probably get hate mail for this from that one person that reads this blog and with my luck they are French. However I think Montreal is the most disgusting looking city in the world. I really felt like I was back in a 3rd world country I mean even most of South Africa's cities are prettier. This is also around the time we started calling Quebec, Quebecistan. I was told however that it's prettier in the summer and I still want to go see if this is true .... (you might have someone sleeping on your couch this summer Erin) ... however we got there just after all the snow had melted and there was garbage everywhere. The story goes people just chuck garbage ontop of the snow during the winter resulting in the mess we saw. I personally think this is just a folk tale Montreal folk made up to make themselves feel better about the shit hole the life in.

This however is not why we decided against settling in Montreal it was mostly the French thing and the fact that we couldn't speak it and to get a job in a French speaking place surprise surprise it helps to be able to speak French. We did have fun however while we where in Montreal, there was the St Patty's Parade and our visit to Quebec City but I will blog about them separately.  

I do however have one quick story I can tell was about our Drunken night out with our Lesbian Erin. We went to have dinner at a mate of Erin's Restaurant called Café Aléatoire. Its a really cute little place with really yummy food and good live music. The conversations we had that night amongst our self and the staff isn't safe to be published as it would be too easy to take out of content however we were literally wetting ourselves with laughter. Needless to say we got very drunk that night and as we wandered back to our beds things started getting really interesting as we started collecting items from the street and dressing up Erin. She became our Safety Fairy and she took her job very seriously. Here is some photo's and video of her in action also if you ever in Montreal stop by Café Aléatoire it's well worth a visit.

Safety Fairy Erin

Safety Fairy Erin

Windsor to Niagara Falls and onwards ...

A: Windsor    B/C: Niagara Falls    D: Wellesley Island Border Crossing

So the morning after arriving in Windsor we explored what little it had to offer us. After not finding much we decided to hit the road again. We were heading to Niagara Falls this time and not only to see the famed falls but to go visit a water park, which has a resident Orca. Ok before I get hate mail which I always love along with all that penis enlargement and viagra ads. I do not support them keeping such a big animal in such a small pool. However while it is in captivity I would love to see one up close as it would possibly be the only time I would get the opportunity to do so. I would also fully support any protest for this Orca to be released into the wild if it's not to late to do so. Anyhow skipping ahead we never did get to go to the park as it was closed for the winter, we are however planning a trip there very soon.

We continued north east towards the falls passing through a town bearing the name of Hamilton. For those playing in New Zealand you might get why we found driving through this town funny, a few 'I feel itchy" jokes might have been cracked. We finally reached Niagara Falls, ON and our luxurious Comfort Inn. It was one of the nicest hotels we stayed in on our trip and was all possible thanks to our nice friend we made at the Comfort Inn back in America. It was right in downtown Niagara Falls or what I assume to be downtown however to get to the falls was about a 15 - 20min walk down a steep hill which my newly acquire 'Fat American Ass' did not enjoy. We went down to the falls both during the day and the night. The day time wasn't that flash really it was too misty and with it being winter the sun wasn't out either. The night viewing was pretty cool as they turn on pretty coloured lights and shined them onto both the American side and the Canadian side.

I was told not to bother with going to the American side as you can see both the American Falls and the Canadian Falls from the Canadian side. This is true you get a way better view from Canada, however anyone going there should do both side. It is only really a 15min ride across a bridge to the USA side plus the time spend at customs and I think the American side got more of a park feel to the whole thing since it is surround by state park land. Where the Canadian side is just next to the road.  The Canadian Niagara Falls Town is waaaay better then the American town though.

So after visiting the American side of Niagara Falls we decided to drive through New York State to get to Montreal.  From memory it was actually a shorter way to go for us and we get to see a little bit more of America. I kept seeing these road signs that had a little buggy on it which turns out means there is Amish around these neck of the woods. Unfortunately we never saw any Amish which was a massive disappointment to me (New York State you disappoint me).

Horseshoe Falls

We finally reached the border between the USA and Canada on Wellesley Island late in the afternoon. The answer is yes for those of you who have been paying attention we did enter the USA in the morning and less the 24 hours later we left it.  We got an obvious French Canadian Border guy now you might say it is expected if you're heading to Montreal. Well we didn't expect this as we where entering Ontario again. He grilled us for the next 15min on everything including why we have British Colombian Plates and if we are staying in Quebec if we will change it. My response was um no I still have like 11months of insurance left on this puppy so maybe after that. Then he questioned where we were staying and what our status in Canada was if we where visitors or permanent residence. My response was well we have a working Holiday Visa which allows us to work in Canada. He didn't take to kindly to this response and replied with an angry "I know this but are you permanent or not." At this point I really felt like saying "how the fuck should I know your the customs guy isn't this your fucking job". He also was very concerned that Kim and I arrived a month apart in Canada. All I have to say about him is what a fucking douche bag. But in the end he had no reason to keep us and not allow us entry into Canada even if he didn't want us to come back in. We quickly head away from the border and his angry French ways and hoping that he wasn't the norm for what is French Canada.

Anyhow till tomorrows .... (PS There is some Photos below of stuffs)

Lights used to make the Falls Pretty at night

Horseshoe Falls with different colours on it

Horseshoe Falls with different colours on it

Horseshoe Falls with different colours on it

American Falls & Bridal Veil Falls in the foreground with the Horseshoe Falls in the distance.

American Falls & Bridal Veil Falls in the foreground with the Horseshoe Falls in the distance.

Horseshoe Falls from the American Side

Double Rainbow what does it mean .... ???

Milwaukee to Windsor ...

Ok so I have had a couple of random post in the last few weeks but this one follows on from where I left off before.

So after a prolonged stay in Milwaukee thanks to Freddie misbehaving. We finally got back on the road again this time heading to Windsor nope not the one in England but the one across the river from Detroit in Canada. Yup we would be sleeping on Commonwealth soil again that night, but first we had to do the 7 odd hour drive. One of the cities I wanted to go to on this leg of the journey was Chicago. So I could do the customary tourist thing and get a photo of my ugly mug outside the Oprah Winfrey's Studios.  Even though I don't see myself as a Oprah fun I have a lot of respect for the woman and do like watching the odd show. The thing that sticks in my mind about her show

Me outside Harpo Studios

is that years ago a wide shot of the audience revealed the camera's that was on big these arm like cranes between the audience seats. These camera's had what appeared to be nice leather comfy seats and a cup holders. At this stage I was still new to the whole TV world and that just blew my mind I mean 'CUP HOLDERS'. So I had to stop and take a photo if only to justify that one memory.

Road name after Oprah running pass the Studios

I do have to say though that I was kinda disappointed in the building it was just a warehouse looking building with no exciting features. Ok yes I know most studio's around the world is just a Warehouse looking building with no exciting features but I mean come on it's Oprah jazz the place up a bit love. It's not like you are short of cash or anything we will not see you at WINZ after you splash some paint here and there. But I guess the money is all on the inside with state of the art camera's and shit blah blah blah.

So after we had some Subway a stable diet on this trip we started on our journey again. I also wanted to go visit Detroit and go take photos of the Abandoned Suburbs. However we were advised against going there and especially since we would arrive close to sun down both me and Kim thought we might skip this one at this time. As it turned out we arrived in Detroit after sundown and decided to head straight across the border to our hotel. We crossed the border by going through a tunnel under the Detroit River that curved and twists. It was a weird notion that not only were we under water but we are cross a international border between the USA and Canada.

One thing I will say about Windsor City besides that its a nice wee city is that it's scarily empty. We went for a walk around the place and there was nobody about on the streets it was deadly quiet. Anyways Till tomorrow .... :P

Detroit City Skyline

Mama G ain't happy ...

... and when Mama G isn't happy shit goes down and asses get kicked. So Mama G for those playing at home is Kim's mum you know the retarded one I'm travelling with, well yes her mum. Mama G is also an avid reader of all things Roetastic and is on a war path with me because I haven't blogged in ages. She sent the following txt to Kim and it was forwarded to me, at the time I was partaking in a Nana Nap.

Now the dancing she is referencing goes back to a night about a week a go were I tried my best to get her spawnage aka Kim to go to town with me and dance. Kim didn't do so, so I called her some mean names like booger head and peepee breath. I ended up in a Homosexual establishment all on my lonesome and let me tell you there was those lesbian things. You know the creatures you only read about in fairy tales well actually I don't think there is any fairy tales about lesbians. Oh no I beg your pardon there was 3 or so movies made about them I believe they where called Shrek you now the green things they lesbians aren't they ... ?

Well anyways I'm only doing this post to tell Mama G I'm busy doing stuffs and don't always get time to do blogging so until the next one here is some video's to keep Mama G entertained with .... till tomorrow.